In response to last weeks’ blog, a friend, I’ll call her “Friend” sent me an email recounting a story about an interaction with a person whom we both know, I’ll call them “Person.” The whole thing keeps tugging at me.

The story goes that every time they happened upon one another, Person had a habit of greeting Friend with a label rather than her name. Friend found this demeaning and offensive to the point at which Friend approached Person saying she was offended by this greeting.

Person confided that this was a coping mechanism for not being able to remember names and Friend, who also struggles with name recall, came to a new understanding, putting aside her feelings of offense.

The story does not end there. Friend was surprised when I wrote back thanking her for the story and telling her I too had a similar experience with Person, but rather than addressing it, I had simply labeled Person as weird and avoided engaging.

The Tug

It made me wonder how many times I hadn’t taken the time to understand the motivation behind an act, missing an opportunity for empathy rather than writing someone off as weird. 

The story doesn’t end there. My reflection expanded to include so much of what is going on in our world . . . 

Wait. Allow me to stop right there. Even as I type the sentence, “as I look at so much of what is going on in our world . . .” I am aware that “what is going on” means something different to everyone. Each person’s values, upbringing, beliefs, and biases shape their interpretation of “what is going on.” Our physical and emotional inheritance is in play as well as socio-economic status, race, and religion and the list goes on and on. 

Instagram Wisdom

In a dear friend’s Instagram post this week, she writes in regard to the Roe v. Wade decision: “My heart is all over the place right now. One of the hardest things to understand is the lack of conversation among us all. So much hate. So much pure vitriol. So little willingness to listen. To hear. To be part of any type of dialogue about frustrations and heartbreak. Where do we go from here?” 

Here’s my two cents on Choice. As my friend says above, it’s time for us to listen to one another.  May I never judge another human being’s choices. May I step back and understand their circumstances. It is not fair for me, who grew up in a home with two supportive, loving parents, who has been married to two really good, supportive men, who has always lived in a safe, abundant environment to judge or dictate the choices of someone who may have never had any of those comforts.

My Hope

I hope I’m not being too optimistic in believing most people would agree labeling, discounting, refusing sane discourse, and a general lack of human compassion and compromise is a problem. Hate is a problem. As for me, I’ve been reflecting on my need to consider the why behind certain behaviors and beliefs before I label someone as weird or wrong. To allow others the grace to make their own decisions and hold their own beliefs. 

Rumi writes:

“Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” 

I guess what I’m saying is, Let’s find a field beyond labeling and vilifying the “other,” where honesty and kindness reign, where neither of us is attempting to silence and control the other based upon our own fears; I’d like to meet you there.