If you missed either of the last two weeks’ blogs, go here first:
As we pick up our story, BF and I had left the Colts game early and were having dinner at The Ram.
Authentic Conversation is Quite Attractive
BF: Over the course of our meal, we learned how much we had in common, how many of the same places we frequented, and how many of the same people we knew. I broke a first-date rule, but since it wasn’t a date and I was determined to be authentic, I told her my life story. How my own parents’ divorce had been the impetus for my career and how difficult, as a marriage and family therapist, my own divorce had been. She asked questions and seemed legitimately interested. There was so much kindness in her eyes.
Debi: The quality and quantity of conversation over the next few hours was tantamount to months of dinners for normal people. I’d never been around a man who was so immediate to admit his hurts, mistakes, and insecurities; it was uniquely appealing. As for me, I was in no mood for superficiality or pretense. And then he completely won me over when he asked if I wanted to split bread pudding.
Let’s Take a Walk
BF: It was a beautiful evening and since I’d taken most of the talking time at dinner, I asked if she’d like to take a walk on the canal and have her turn to share.
Debi: I don’t know, maybe it was the Chardonnay, but I finally began to relax and extending the conversation with a walk along the canal sounded good.
BF: It didn’t take me long to realize walking helped her relax and I enjoyed hearing her story. I was impressed with how open and reflective she was.
Debi: I explained the pain of the sudden loss of “life as I knew it” and the intense pain I felt for my kids in their loss. While making sure there was plenty of space so as not to accidentally brush arms, I told him of my determination to heal in a way that rendered me more independent. Truer to myself. He was a great listener and incredibly encouraging.
BF: We learned much about each other on our first not-a-date. We were two imperfect people broken open by the pain of death and divorce and hurting for our kids. We were aware that change gives way to opportunity and equally determined to reclaim a new life. We each sought understanding, forgiveness, and acceptance. We were both determined, whether we ever found a new relationship or not, to learn to love ourselves first.
We’ve decided to close out February with one more post about our early relationship next week. Thank you for sticking with us and so much thanks to those who told us your stories. Who’s next? Jump right down to the comments section and share.