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It Was Not A Date
February 14, 2022

For the month of February, I’ve invited BF to blog with me. If you missed last week’s blog, start here!

First Dates

Debi: First dates rank right up there with public speaking on the anxiety Richter scale. And being 46 years old and not having dated for over two decades didn’t help.

BF: I was surprised when Debi called on Thursday to say she’d like to go to the game. I was okay with the not-a-date arrangement. My life was complicated, and I knew I needed time to heal before considering a new relationship. As I drove up her steep driveway, I thought how treacherous it must be in the wintertime. I also noted how convenient it was that her driveway was less than a mile from my front door. My jitters made me feel like I was back in high school. 

Debi: When Michael and I arrived home from church, the silver Expedition was already there. I was mortified, not because I was late, because I was wearing a stupid, baggy jean dress and I didn’t want to open my garage door and reveal the chaos in which I was living. 

BF: She pulled around me and called out, using her teacher’s voice, for me to meet her at the front door.

Debi: I sent Michael, who was super excited to find out about this guy and his season tickets, to answer the door while I ran to change into the new jeans and white blouse, I had just purchased at Von Maur. Deciding what to wear on this not-a-date had been a challenge. I stood for a long time wondering if I should remove my wedding ring and decided leaving it on would help reinforce the “not a date” thing.

The Indianapolis Colts, RCA Dome, 2002

BF: I chatted with her middle school son who knew more about the Colts stats and players than I did. Debi seemed more flustered and nervous than I felt. On the 20-minute drive, we chatted about our kids: our oldest daughters, both freshmen at DePauw University. Our youngest, both freshmen in high school. Mine at Center Grove, hers at Greenwood. I told her about the game I played, trying to find a free parking space on the south side of the stadium. She assured me she didn’t mind a walk. As we maneuvered through the crowd to Section 103, I was aware of the feeling of being in a familiar place with a new person. My fellow season ticket holders had met my daughters, several of my co-workers, one other date, and various football buddies. They would likely comment on this new person, so I made contingency plans for how I might introduce this not-a-date lady.

Debi: I was extremely grateful for the aisle seat of a very long row in the RCA Dome. I could plaster myself to the armrest, avoiding any accidental brushes with BF’s arm, and observe his easy chat with the people in the seats around us. I was taken aback by his 0-60 emotional outbursts when the defense messed up the quarterback coverage or he took umbrage with a referee call. He’d jump out of his seat and yell, “Too much time! You’re giving him too much time!” Or he’d leap into the air and pull an imaginary flag from his back pocket and holler, “Flag!” 

BF: Her leg never stopped bouncing and I was a bit worried she might fall out of her seat into the aisle. I could tell she wasn’t too interested in the game, but I was there to enjoy a football game–which I did. I had long before this determined that in my new life, I would be me and never morph into who I thought someone else might want me to be.

Debi: People watching is one of my superpowers. Let’s just say the crowd at the Colts vs. Dolphins game that September Sunday in 2002, provided plenty of fodder and I was pleasantly entertained. BF added a bit of color commentary with a few interesting stories about the folks around us. I also noted a distinct lack of mansplaining regarding the game. He allowed me the space for my experience, and I wasn’t hating it. 

BF: I was enjoying our time together and asked her if she’d like to grab a bite to eat downtown.

Debi: When a Colts defeat was imminent, BF suggested we cut out a little early to snag a table at The Ram. I was more than amenable.

Many games, many years, and a stadium later.

I think we’ll stop here for now and do dinner next week. I’ve heard from several people how our story has reminded them of memory. I’d like to invite you to share your meeting or first date story in the comment section below.

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  1. Jim and I met at Butler University in a guidance graduate class. I sat by this cute guy with white tennis shorts and tanned legs. (Those legs have caused me trouble!) We talked before class and between our second class. He said “we live off 135 on Spearsville Road in Trafalgar.” I avoided him due to the “we”. I figured he was divorced or married. But after talking with him, I learned we, was each of his siblings had houses off of 135. We finally had our official first date after that summer class was over. We were already friends by the time we had that first date. And I had moved to Terre Haute that summer. So we had a long distance relationship. He even helped me move. Our first date was to Church Hill Downs. I lived in Seymour Indiana at the time. I won big on a two dollar bet. I guess he thought I was a winner!

    • I love the idea of Church Hill Downs for a first date! Thanks so much for sharing your story.

  2. Rusty and I met on the Center Grove Earth Science trip. I was the only female with Alex Girdley, Rusty and Russ. There was a backcountry overnight trip. Rusty and I took a group and hiked up to Lake Solitude. Russ and Alex were coming with the other group. After our group crawled in their bags, Rusty and I sat up and talked for a long time. I knew I wanted to get to know him. Funny thing- I took no makeup with me and did not shower for over a week- no showers in back country.

    • Cindy, I’ve never heard this story and I love it! So much love and loss in your story–with the loss of both Alex and Russ–makes it even more special.

  3. We met in the 4th grade. Our families knew each other but we really didn’t get to know each other until he switched schools. He could ride the bus but I was a walker. But he decided to walk home one day-in new corduroys- and he offered to carry my books. A gentleman from a very early age. He made me laugh and I felt comfortable around him from the start-like a best friend who was super cute and caused the butterflies in my tummy to take flight. Lots of twists and turns in between (including other marriages) but 30 years later I married my best friend and 25 years later-he still is.

    • Rhea, this is the sweetest story. Thank you for sharing!


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Debi Dixon

Debi Dixon

The Universe is guiding me on an incredible adventure: my Plan B. I write here to share bits of my Odyssey, hopefully to inspire, encourage, or extend the virtual hand of friendship.

When I quit teaching in 2014, I could never have imagined the growth I would experience through travel, writing, reading, therapy, and introspection.

I believe human connection and compassion will go a long way toward our healing, and the best way to connect and feel compassion for one another is through the sharing of our stories.

Thank you for joining me here. I appreciate you and may we grow together.

Inspirational Quote

“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.”
~Joseph Campbell

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