My plan was to continue sharing a wrap-up of chemo and a synopsis of surgery and radiation with a final post next week on lessons learned from cancer, but I have changed my mind. I’m not enjoying this. Reading back through my CaringBridge journal and writing about it is like swimming in mud. Do you ever feel like that?
I just cut six paragraphs and dropped them in the cloud trash. I can’t completely explain why, but it makes zero sense to write about something I don’t want to and expect either one of us to enjoy the experience.
I will tell you that cancer did teach me to live differently. To travel more. To rely more upon joy as my guide and less on obligation. To, whenever possible, choose adventure. To appreciate. To have empathy and be kind. To prioritize time with dear ones who energize.
And most importantly, to balance it all with time alone in contemplation–to be mindful. To remember my motto and make it my quest: Find out who you are and be her.
Sometimes, I get off-kilter. I forget all the above and must remind myself to reset. I know how to reset, and I know what it feels like when I need one. My hope is for a short turn-around time.
And then, I must remember how important it is to forgive myself.
Here’s to reset awareness and short turnarounds.
In August, for many reasons, we moved across the province, 5+ hours away from everyone and everything I knew and loved. My photography business was centred on the agricultural community of Northumberland County, my bliss was visiting Presqu’ile Provincial Park and my friends are clustered, for the most part, in Cobourg and Port Hope. This move forced on me, a physical, professional, personal and emotional reset. And I’m still scrambling to find the sweet spot on my internal fulcrum. Whereas you are hitting reset to stop “swimming in mud” my reset tossed me right into the mud and right now I feel like I’m swimming in it so I don’t sink completely. I loved this post. I love the imagery of swimming in mud. Thank you so, so much!
Thank you, Pamela! Here’s to rising above the mud!